Is moving to Massachusetts stressful?

I spent my life moving around as a child. Every 4 years or so. When we moved back then it wasn't just up the street, it was to another country. 

As a kid, mom and dad took care of all the details. My sister and I were given decision-making power when it came to our toys and things - what to keep, what to sell or give-away.

As a responsible adult, "familiar with" moving, and only planning to move UP this country, the move to Noho, MA should be pretty simple...right?

Only this time I'm not just moving myself. Remember to factor in that I'm moving a cat who despises being in her crate and a fiancée. A fiancée with a fully furnished four bedroom house. And remember, I have a house, too.

Just stopping here to breath, thinking about the logistics and what needs to happen, you might think it's a good place to "stress out". Just the fact that there are two households is one thing. But fiancée equals even more life changes approaching. It also means wedding planning from a distance. Girl, are you crazy? No. I'm not.

And furthermore, NO! No, there is no reason to "stress out". Ever. Yes I know I stress from time to time but hear me out. I've decided the only thing that stresses people out is themselves and their decision to react that way. There's no reason for it at all. What good will it do? Choose to work it out. Stop. Think. And I mean that, you can't run away from it, you can't turn it off, you must think (and often times talk) things through.

So, the fact that there is a very large move coming up, the fact that there are two households to move, the fact that animals are involved, the fact that it will take 3 days on the road, the fact that Markus travels every week for work and has no time to call his own between work and volunteer positions and my talking his ear off about "planning" and all I want to do is take care of everything for everyone so no one has to stress about anything...

Take a breath. I'm talking to you, this isn't me telling myself to breathe, it's for you. You're welcome.

All of those facts/things/thoughts COULD cause reason for a mental breakdown. But what would that accomplish? All of those things COULD case reason for short tempers and snarky conversations. But that's a choice you make.

Additionally, I've decided that when people expect this sort of behavior because after all, how can one NOT be stressed by all of those seemingly stressful things? they look for you to be short, snarky and irritable. They ask leading questions assuming that can only be the case and you reaction can only be that of a stressed-out-person. This is irritating. Stop it. Instead of assuming one can only be having an awful time with an exciting and positive life adventure such as this, how about asking your question with a positive spin?

People move. Life happens. Things change. And your point is?

• We don't have a place to live. 
• We don't have enough time to say goodbye properly, with parties.
• Markus has to sell a house and yes you should inquire about it, it's beautiful and perfectly located in Ocean Springs, MS.
• My cat HATES to travel.
• Markus has no time to pack.
• There's a chance we won't get to move all our "stuff" until the end of July and I may have to live with people without my "stuff" for several weeks. 
• It's going to be cold where we are going.
• We don't know anyone. That's not entirely true.
• Blah blah blah-dy-flippity-da!

Again, your point is?

No, I don't know how all of it is going to work yet, but that's OKay and somewhat thrilling. I know, I know, heaven forbid Jessica Lamb doesn't have a plan!? Part of what makes me great at what I do PS: my job basically deals with planning international moves, albeit weeks at a time is my ability to remain calm, to talk things out, to think foreword before "the stress" has a chance to wrap it's wretchedness around my productivity and need for efficiency. Do I make things harder for myself sometimes? Yes - that stresses me out but it's my own fault, no one else's... read: I have a huge problem asking for, and accepting, help. It makes me feel weak.

• We have flights booked to BDL to spend just over 24 hours in Noho looking for a place to live this Sunday-Monday. We have a rental car and a hotel room booked, too, ALL for under $500 thanks to Markus' frequent flyer miles and the transfer of my remaining few thousand to his account.
• I have sold my couch, love seat, dining room table and chairs, a chiminea, and several other odds and ends to help cover these exploration expenses. 
• We're not saying "goodbye", it's "see you later" and we'll be back!
• Kudzu can and will be drugged.
• I lived out of a suitcase for 5 months in a row as an ADPi consultant, what's four weeks out of the rest of my life?

Is moving to Massachusetts stressful? PS: I spelled it right the first time, this time. Well, that depends on how you choose to look at it.

For me? Personally? No.

The things I "stress" about usually revolve around those around me:

• Will my fiancée divorce me before we're even married because of this monkey-wrench that's now thrown into our life-plan right after he started a new job and in the middle of his busy travel season?
• Will I accidentally give Kudzu too many drugs?
• Are my future parents-in-law still excited I said "yes"?
• Will my friends be able to handle my absence? I realize how cocky, self-important and big-headed that sounds, but I have some REALLY good friends and they mean THE WORLD to me, and we are equally good to each other! Don't think for one minute I won't miss them, but this is what I do, I come and go, I always have. That doesn't mean it's easy. I hate missing out on life events. Hate it. But Markus and I will go and make our own life events. And I will blog about everything. 
• Are my parents really excited to drive all that way? Or do they just feel obligated to help?

Lard-haf-mercy someone could really find moving stressful! But right now and thank God I'm so stubborn I refuse to. 

And think about this: the biggest contributor to my confidence in being able to handle this is YOU. My support system. Friends. Family. Randoms-who-stumble-upon-my-blog-and-cheer-me-on. Duh! Get excited. There are only rediculously-awesome stories to come and I can. not. wait. to share them!

XOXO

Taste teaser...

For those of you who haven't noticed the mississippi women bloggers button over to the bottom right of this page, I recently contributed to a Foodie Friday post.

You can take the girl out of the third world, but you can't take the third world out of the girl!

Have a taste.

New beginnings...

You may think this post has to do with a wedding. Weddings are all about new beginnings, and there is one approaching, after all.

But that's not why I am writing today. This post has nothing to do with a wedding.

I'm moving. To Massachusettes. Massacheusetts. Massachusetts. I'll learn to spell it soon enough.

WHAT?

That's right. Northampton, MA to be exact. Or NoHo. And contrary to the email I sent friends and family, it is NOT South of Boston and NYC. It is west of Boston and North of NYC. I will also learn my geography of the area soon enough. Geeze, give me major cities in any other country and I'm fine. 

I accepted a position with a study abroad provider and I will be working within their customized programs division. Read: planning, logistics, communicating, and international travel. All things I love to do!

Before you overwhelm me with questions, allow me to share the conversation I just had with my Bebe (grandmother):

Hey Bebe, what'cha doin?

Hello?

Hey Beeb, can you hear me?

Oh, yes, I can hear you. 

You been napping?

No, I'm not doing much of anything, just sittin'.

Did you work in the garden today?

No, I was at bible school all day

Oh, okay, well...Bebe, I'm callin' because I have some news to share with you.

Oh?

I have a new a job.

Really?

It's close to Elliot [Elliot, cousin, lives in NYC]

Close to Elliot? Where close to Elliot? 

Massachusetts

What? 
Who is this?

It's Jessica!

Jessica? You have a new job?

Yes

In Massachusetts?

Yes...[silence]...I'm really excited.

Excited? 
Lard lard, what part? 

Northampton.

At a college?

No. With a company.

When do you go?

July

July?! This July!?

Yes. But I probably won't move up until August with all my stuff. Daddy will drive me up.

Well why didn't you go a little far off?
I wondered why I didn't hear from you recently.
Now I know.
My my.

There have been several other conversations somewhat similar. People are shocked, surprised, excited, confused, sad, so many emotions! And these emotions are not unbeknownst to me.

For now I will just say this - YES, it has come together quite quickly. But this is not something I just started thinking about - come on folks, I think through things before most even realize it's something to think about. And it is not a decision I made alone. To put it plainly, I have been talking to this company since October about possibilities, not ever thinking something would actually work out. Not really thinking I would ever actually leave Hattiesburg. And then, that thought terrified me, never leave? Get out now!

The job I accepted isn't even the one I interviewed for, it's even better suited for me! I wouldn't be doing this if I wasn't certain it was the right thing to do; if I didn't have the love and support of my handsome and amazing fiancée whom I cannot wait to have this adventure with; if I didn't know hands down it is the perfect time to make a move even if it's the worst time in some ways too - there's NEVER a GOOD time!; if I didn't know the encouragement, congratulations, support would overwhelmingly flow our direction and that's what gets people through life events like these.

There are already so many stories to share and they will come in due time.

And don't worry, there will be posts related to a wedding, too, eventually...as the planning continues from a distance.

THE story. Yes, THAT one.

Yes, this is the part when I tell you how Markus proposed. We were folding laundry. No joke.

I've decided I can't be bothered to film myself telling the story, so I will write it down. I'm quite certain my written word will be even better than the oral history version at this point, like all good books, you know, it's always better on paper? 

I really should let Markus tell this story, because it was his plan, after all, or lack thereof that made it perfect but y'all know I'm going to tell it better, right!? Unfortunately he's not here right now so I will save him the time and type it all out. You're welcome.

April 13th we ran a half marathon I can't believe it either in Nashville, TN and it rained the. whole. time. Not to mention, it was about 45 degrees. It was an experience but we survived. I didn't know this at the time obviously but Markus had the ring in his suitcase the entire time we were in Nashville with our friends, he just never found the right moment to pop the question. 

Considering the weather and near death experience from the weekend, I was ill Monday and worked from home. Later that evening, after a day of fussing and griping and bossing orders, I asked Markus to help me fold some laundry.

I should probably mention that earlier in the day Markus also took out my garbage, washed my dishes and straightened the living room. And no, I did not ask him to do any of those things, he just does things like that for me and I know his mother is gasping as she reads this right now (you did great, Urs!)

As Markus gathered up dryer sheets from the remaining pile of laundry and headed to the kitchen to throw them away, I tossed some dish towels at him and said, "Here, while you're in there, you can fold these up and put them away."

I know what you're thinking. Just remember I WASN'T FEELING WELL.

He retorted, "I can, can I?"

Suddenly I realized what a you-know-what I was being and felt awful. 

"Markus," I said as I reached up to hug his neck, "I am sorry. Thank you so much for being so wonderful. You are so good to me, I love you and I do appreciate you, I really do, I'm sorry."

Markus held me tight and in all his modesty said, "you just can't get enough of me, can you!?"

"No, I really can't" I agreed as we parted. 

THERE! 

It was right there, as we broke away from our embrace, Markus reached in to his pocket whilst saying three little words: "On that note..."

[GASP]

Woah. Hold your horses everyone, he was just putting the dryer sheets he had picked up in to his pocket. 

But what did he mean, "On that note..."? Why did he say that? 

It was clear I thought one thing that wasn't, and turned around to put the finishing touches on my laundry, a little disgruntled and confused. 

I turned back towards him and asked, "but what did you mean on that note?!?" And he stood there grinning, shaking, and holding something in his hand. 

A box. A purple box. 

"What IS that?" what is that? "What is that? What. Is. That?" It's earrings, he's just poking fun at me making me think it's something else, it has to be earrings "Markus, what IS that?"

Laughing, he opened the box. It wasn't earrings folks. It was a ring. A RING!

"REALLY? really? wait, really?" Over and over, that's all I could say, "really?" I asked repeatedly. "You. Want to marry. Me?" really? "Like. Forever." really?

Markus, grinning from ear to ear and still shaking, "would it make it more real if I got down on one knee?"

AND HE DID, Y'ALL!

I finally stopped asking if he really meant it, and said YES!

Here comes the bride...?

So Markus proposed marriage, and I said yes.

Actually what I said was, "REALLY? really? Like, really? Re-ally? rrrreally? REALLY? really? wait, really? ...and I wish it stopped there. That story will have to wait for another time, it's much better shared as an oral history in fact, I keep threatening to have someone film me telling the story yet again, so I can just post the video online and be done with it.

So now I'm a bride. Or is it bride-to-be? Can you only be a bride on your wedding day? What are you while you're engaged? Just a fiancé, I suppose? I'm a fiancé - nope. 

[What?!?]

Just one month in to being engaged...

I realize couldn't have picked out a ring even if Markus had asked for my opinion.

I didn't even look around online, that's how little of an idea I had when people would ask what I thought I might like. I never wear rings. How'm I supposed to know what I'll like f-o-r-e-v-e-r? 

"Yellow Gold". That's all I could say. I knew I wanted yellow gold. Apparently the jeweler even questioned it, "you know, the girls these days tend to wear platinum or white gold..." Markus: I know what "they" are wearing. I'm telling you what she wants. 

I do remember an argument a discussion Markus and I shared over whether I should have a "say" in what type of ring I am expected to wear the rest of my life, or not. Clearly we went with "not", thank God. 

I know what I don't want in a wedding dress.

At least I don't have to wear the dress forever, right? Just one day. Phwef! And apparently Markus can't pick this one out for me, I have to do it, right? OKay.

My mother won't be home until June, and I leave about two weeks after my parents land in MS for work in London, so our time frame for doing the mother-daughter-trying-on-wedding-dresses is super short but I am determined to partake in this tradition. I decided it would be best for me to get a better idea of what I do/don't like prior to mom's arrival and our day, half day, couple of hours of trying on dresses. So I made an appointment at David's Bridal just one week after Markus proposed. I hate having a decision looming.

My attendant (I think that's what it's called?) was very knowledgable about the store's inventory and listened to my comments, both verbal and non-verbal. We got along swimmingly. This was a surprise to me because at first I thought we weren't compatible. Not because she wore her blush on her temples, but because she questioned my sanity when I shared my bra size. Side note: for anyone who has not had to go through this before, you have to wear their bras when you're trying on dresses, the corset kind that hook all the way up the back. 

"What bra size do you wear?"

"I wear a 30G, but I realize you won't have my size here in America, so I guess the closest would be a 34DD?"

Attendant looks down at my bosom, then looks up at me with a puzzled look that screams: this chick is delusional! "Ain't no way," she exclaimed.

"I know," I replied calmly clearly I get this often, "I don't look like it, but I assure you it's true. Would you like to see the tag on the bra I am wearing?"

Attendant still perplexed, looks to my sister and friends for some assistance, they are unwilling.

"Look," I say, "just because I don't wear them on the front of my chest, pushed up under my chin, doesn't mean they're not there."

I realize now this was how she wore hers that same day, but I'm not judging her for it, women wear their breasts in different positions, we don't always have a choice! "Mine start under my armpits, see?" Yes, I motioned. 

"Why don't you bring me what you think I wear, and we'll go from there?"

Two bras later we were trying on dresses, and I realized quickly that less of everything is more where my tastes are concerned.

Let's pretend this never happened...

You know those evenings when you just can't stand to be alone with yourself? With your own thoughts? This is one of those evenings.

So. Here we are.

[    ...]

I'm reading an excellent book at the moment why didn't  I think to just go put my nose in it instead of starting this blog post? When I say, "excellent book" what I do not mean is what you are probably thinking. Not The Great Gatsby or Madame Bovary or Shopaholic takes Manhattan. This book is raunchy, it is rude, it is honest, open, it is hilarious, shocking, blunt, it is how I would write a book if I put my life on paper one day. It is called "Let's Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir)" by Jenny Lawson.

Perhaps I purchased it at just the right time, in a moment when my psyche needed the author's sense of humor. Or maybe it's just THAT funny. I think it's just that funny. It had me laughing so hard on a recent airplane ride, I couldn't read the words on account of the tears forming. I sat there, crammed three people in, next to the window, and silently shook so violently that I thought the captain was going to turn on the seatbelt sign and announce "we hit a rough patch of turbulence, folks" over the intercom.

I've read excerpts to Markus and he laughs hard, people, even when the author uses words he usually grimaces at the sound of and he continues to ask, "are you sure Jenny Lawson isn't your pen name?"

Yes. But I envy her.

I've recently decided to start my own book club on account of this book as in just now, you just witnessed me in the act. I'm not accepting any new members, just yet, but I look forward to letting you how it all turns out.

Proud to be one of the first and finest.

Sometimes it surprises people to know I pledged a sorority in college. It sure surprised my high school friends when I went "home" to Abu Dhabi that first Christmas break after graduation.

Last weekend I found myself in Atlanta, GA for Alpha Delta Pi's District Leadership Conference. I haven't been to one in three years due to spending my spring semesters in France for work prior to this year. I attended the DLC in 2009, right after I finished traveling as a Senior Leadership Consultant for ADPi, and remember how much fun it was attending the conference as an advisor, but it was also bittersweet to realize my LC group would soon become a distant  memory.

Returning three years later, it was strange, strange, to be back.

Where am I?
What is this?
What am I doing here?
Did I bring the right outfits?
What does it all mean?
Who are these women, and why do they do these things?
I should have brought that other dress.
What is the purpose of all this?
Why are some chapter officers in matching outfits, really?
Where am I supposed to be and what should I be doing?
Maybe I'm too far removed from all this now...
Am I really making a difference in people's lives?
I wonder if anyone will remember me?
Why did I pack so light?
Why aren't my LC sisters here?
I wish me LC sisters were here. 
I hope I know what I'm expected to know...

Kimmy, a fellow advisor, asked if I was okay a few hours after we arrived.

"Yeah. Just a little out of sorts. This all feels very strange. I'm taking it in. Memories are flooding back. Good, bad, awkward, sad, happy, just memories..."

So many thoughts and questions. So much to reflect on.

Fast forward to the end of Saturday, the long day that started at 6:30am with my fourkickshalf-attempt-at-a-five-mile-run, and ended after 11:00pm.

Chapter Presidents are given ribbons
for various awards their chapters are
recognized for during the year.

I am so good at this!
Why would anyone choose not to be involved in this?
I wish I had money to spend at Sorority Spirit
Alpha Delta Pi is amazing
I wish I had brought that other dress...
I wonder when I'll be ready (and a position available) on a district team?
Wow, we provide so many opportunities for our members
Hey, I totally forgot there are resources for alumnae too!
I wonder if the Foundation has development officers? 
I want to be a stay-at-home wife and do ADPi all day.
I can't wait to be on Grand Council, I wonder who the youngest member-ever was?
Maybe Markus could work for the Foundation
Man, this chapter has no idea how good they have it.
I'm going to buy that badge ornament from Sorority Spirit
Man, this chapter still has a lot of work to do.
Holy smokes these officers are rocking this year
First. Finest. Forever. Since 1851

I bought the ornament...

When I moved to America for college, I decided to go through sorority recruitment for one reason: My parents would be able to move me in to the dorm. Because, at the time, Southern Miss held formal recruitment two weeks prior to school starting, freshmen got to move in to their permanent rooms on campus early.

I first learned about "rush" at the summer preview session I attended to register for classes and learn about student involvement, etc. Someone with a clipboard approached me and asked Have you signed up for formal recruitment yet? "What's that?" Oh, it's how you join a sorority. "Oh. Okay. What's that?"

Had I not gone through formal recruitment, I would have said bye to my parents at the Jackson airport and moved myself to Hattiesburg a few days prior to classes. Sure, aunts, uncles or grandparents would have surely helped, but I wasn't going to let my parents miss out on the opportunity to move their first-born-who-brought-joy-and-love-into-their-lives in to the residence hall. Read: I was incredibly terrified of being left in America, it's not like mom and dad were going to be a phone call away, they were 7-8 hours ahead of me always.

Had I not moved in the residence hall permanently, I wouldn't have had anything appropriate to wear for each day of this "formal recruitment" mumbo-jumbo. I was fully prepared to roll up to my "parties" in athletic shorts and a t-shirt. Don't American teenagers wear those things, too? Thankfully my room mate was up-to-speed on the appropriate dress for each day, and taught me to powder my hair when it looked greasy and to put on more makeup as the week progressed.

When you're an ADPi you find every
reason to identify a diamond.

I wasn't ever "released" from a chapter (back before the days of the release figure method), and I felt the most comfortable at one chapter all week, despite the negative stereotypes buzzing through Jones Hall. Every day I went back to Alpha Delta Pi and on Bid Day I wasn't at all surprised to find myself signing a bid card from the Eta Zeta Chapter. I didn't really know what it meant, and was certainly not in an emotional state about it like some of the women I'd met on my floor. Peers were crushed when they didn't receive a bid from the chapter they preferred. I would have been happy either way, I imagine, but sure am happy it turned out the way it did.

I went home for one last night with my parents before they left the country, and Dad found an Alpha Delta Pi window sticker as he was rummaging through my Bid Day bag loot. He proceeded to stick it on the back window of my car much to my protest, "I'm just not sure I'll stick with this sorority thing..."

"I have a feeling you will." he said. He was right. Who would have thought I'd end up working for Alpha Delta Pi sorority as an international Leadership Consultant, and then again as a Senior Leadership Consultant? And I'm thankful every day for it.