I found it today, my "crazy".
An anonymous friend has been trying to find my "crazy switch" since we started seeing more of each other. I've assured him I had it removed, and I have the scar on my arm to prove it. I think he's desperately trying to figure out what's "wrong" with me. It's not my fault the majority of his former "friends" have been...well, we'll just say he spent a lot of time chasing after some interesting characters...but that doesn't mean there's something wrong with me - right?
That's right! I am wonderful. Even in my imperfections. And most time it's their imperfections that draw me to "the other". It's what makes them unique.
Gross, I just said that.
All of that is beside the point. The purpose of this entry is: My "crazy" is visiting today and I don't remember how to keep it on lock.
It's all going on in my head. Right now. This very instant. It's quite the adventure.
There's got to be some research out there that points to chemical imbalances occurring within women's brains during random periods of time. It can't all just be me, there's got to be some science behind it.
I should Google it.
Today is one of those days where I literally feel like I am going clinically insane. I know "hormones" have a lot to do with it...but it hasn't hit me like this in a long while, so it's freaking me out.
No, not freaking me out - I don't play that game. It's more like, making-me-an-ugly-human-being-no-one-should-be-subjected-to.
I know part of how I control my "crazy" is through the help of my dear friends. They get to hear all about it. The ridiculous thoughts that go through my mind, the crazy urges I have, the irrational attitude that erupts out of no where spurred by the most insignificant thing.
I turn down invitations to events. I don't respond to text messages. Or phone calls. Or if I do, it's just to say, hi, you really don't want to talk to me right now, I'm having a crazy day, I'll call you when it passes. I don't want to be around people and they are happier not to be around me. It really makes my day catering to people, interesting.
Through the course of today I've thrown a few fits at the numerous idiotic questions students have emailed me to ask about their study abroad program. Silly? Yes. I should just respond and forget the small stuff. It's the principle of so many of them not reading anything I send out that throws me over the edge. I should also mention that the questions to set me off are those that come in the form of a direct reply to an email I sent seconds prior with the answer to their question answered in the first sentence of the email they replied to...you follow?
You know how sometimes life happens and you aren't attached to your cell phone so you don't respond to a text within seconds? Yeah - happens to me all the time. And I usually don't pay too much attention to a delayed response. Not today. Nope.
Meet my crazy.
I really do pride myself on keeping my cool, not overreacting to the small stuff, and being able to juggle a lot of things at one time.
Not today.
I got that chocolate urge too - that NEVER happens. Ever. So I left the office for a 15 minute break to hit up Starbucks before I hurt somebody, and when I got downstairs I realized our entire street has been netted off to the point of having to walk an extra third of the way around to get to where I was going.
Oh! To have seen my facial expression when I made that realization! You don't want me to repeat the bazaar that went through my mind at that moment.
So looky-there. I do have some crazy in me. Satisfied?
