"guuhhgrag arghftpt uh ug"...

Markus: Do you hate me?

Jessi: No.

Markus: You just don't love me anymore?

Jessi: No, that's not it.

Markus: Are you mad at me?

Jessi: Yes.

Markus: [laugh]

Jessi: And before you ask why, let me just tell you, I am mad at you because I told you weeks ago to put that flea medicine on Jack, and you said, "guuhhgrag arghftpt uh ug, nah, it's past the season…".

Markus: [laugh out loud] What's that I said?

Jessi: You heard me, it's what all men say when they think they know more than their woman. It's a man thing. You men say it all the time, like this, "guuhhgrag arghftpt uh ug [whatever the opposite of what your woman is telling you to do is]".

Markus: [still laughing] ermuhgawd you're really mad at me right now.

Jessi: Yes, yes I am. Because I told you to put that flea stuff on him and you didn't, even though he kept scratching. "Oh, he just has sensitive skin," you told me. Bull. And that was weeks ago! And then you found fleas in your house and had to flee the area [no pun intended do NOT laugh any more at that] and now you've brought them to my house.


Jessi: What's that on Kudzu's face?

Markus: Cat stuff.

Jessi: It's a flea.

Markus: No it's not.

Jessi: Yes, yes it is [pop] ew, gross…

Markus: Well I put flea medicine on Jack last night, so they should be gone by now, and then we left the house this morning after I set the bombs off inside…

Jessi: Well, Kudzu gets her flea medicine every first of the month, and it's not the cheap kind, and she doesn't go outside, soooo…

[Jessi and Markus look at Jack's bed]

Jessi: Markus, do you think perhaps they are in his bed?

Markus: We can take the cover off it and put it in the washer.

Jessi: Let's do that.

[pause for hesitation]

Jessi: And by "let's do that", I mean why don't you do that, like right now.

[Markus gets up to separate cover from foam bed]

Jessi: Markus, do you think they could also be in the foam of the bed?

Markus: No.

Jessi: What makes you think they aren't in the foam?

Markus: They're in the foam too, I see one.

Jessi: Uh-huh. Why don't you take that out of the house too?

[While Markus takes care of the bed, Jessi turns on the vacuum cleaner]

Markus: Can I take a photo of that and instagram it?

Jessi: Of what?

Markus: Of you vacuuming in your heels.

Jessi: You just said that.


  1. I do want everyone to know my not-so-anonymous-anymore-friend is actually a very intelligent, caring, sincere, genuine person, whom I do love more than I could (or would ever) express here, to you all. But the situation IS very frustrating, fleas stress me out, they've infested my house before.

    He just called to say he is working on a rebuttal. I'm not sure he's really a fan of that last post. I told him if he commented I might approve it - or, he could start his own blog. One time, during our perfect time in Europe last summer, he said he was going to write an entry "from my anonymous friend" about Madame Snarky McSnarksome from Snarksville Snarkissippi. I think he was talking about your's truly. I'm still waiting for that draft.

    For the record, ever since I returned to work I've felt tiny insects crawling all over my body.

  2. This conversation sounds very familiar. It's the same when you get married;). LOL. I had to have our house and yard for fleas -- HATE the thought of them! And depending on the flea medicine you use, if it has a guarantee they will come out and treat your home at their expense....ask your vet.